Celebrity WTF??

So, it seems as if Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger got married on Monday in the Virgin Islands. This could be the most unexpected celeb match-up for me since Bennifer. I have to give the new Mrs. Chesney props, based on the last group of famous guys she's been with, I think she's settled with the best looking. Mr. Chesney on the other hand...well, I suppose that he really, really likes horses...and women who kinda resemble them. Ouch! Um, Congrats!

Speaking of Ben, he and Jennifer #2 are expecting their first child in November. Such "Daredevils"!

Tara Reid and Tommy Lee...I can't really think of anything witty to say. No jokes here, they're both a little slutty, perfect match. I think that it's official, however, we now know that Tommy is definitely a boob man.

Britney got dissed over the weekend when Madonna turned down her offer to become Fetus Spears' godmother. When I think of someone to be a good influence on my child and help guide them spiritually in the right direction, who wouldn't think of Madonna? Oh well...maybe Britney can just give Christina a call. She's got values a-plenty.

I haven't seen the flick, but rumor has it that Paris Hilton is offed in "House of Wax". I've also heard that in theaters around the country, the audience bursts into applause at her demise. Here is one of the promo shirts for the movie...clever.

Implausible Claims Made By Vanilla Ice in his 1990 #1 Hit "Ice Ice Baby"

"Ice is back with a brand-new invention."

"Turn off the lights and I'll glow."

"I rock a mic like a vandal."

"I'm killin' your brain like a poisionous mushroom."

"I'm cookin' MCs like a pound of bacon."

"I go crazy when I hear a cymbal and a high hat."

"I grabbed my nine."

"I'm a lyrical poet."

"My style's like a chemical spill."

"If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram."

"If there was a problem, yo, I'd solve it."


Thanks to Doug Erickson for today's zen...

Is She Really Going Out With Him ??

Lessons from the Weekend...

• If there is a vehicle in the parking lot of your place of employment for an extended period of time, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's someone who is there to do harm...there could be possible undercover drug surveillance going on.

• It's not always wise to run a tab at a bar when everyone at your table knows you're running a tab.

• Not all marked trails will lead you back to the starting point, sometimes you have to take your chance going in and backtrack when you get tired.

• Sometimes you can be disppointed when you don't get scared.

• Don't fuck up a good thing while it's going even if you know the end isn't so far away.

• Occassionally you realize that you dated a guy when you really should have been dating his cute brother who is a professional chef who can make up an outstanding pasta recipe on the spot...with a marinara sauce you actually like.

• There really can be too much of a good thing...you should have seen the size of the omelette I had this morning...

• It feels great to be organized, especially if the organization makes someone else feel better.

• No matter how hard you try, you can never, ever, ever psych yourself up for a Monday...blech.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY !!!

Not "Big Pussy" Too...

First Scott Savol, now Vincent Pastore, who played, before he got whacked by Tony and Paulie, "Big Pussy" on HBO's "The Sopranos." Thank goodness he's no longer on the show because this would be a boycott that I don't know if I could handle...

It appears that Pastore, who is free without bail, has also been having some issues with a past incident of violence against his ex-girlfriend. According to the AP, he has plead not guilty to four misdemeanors, two being counts of assault and one each of attempted assault and harassment, in regards to an alleged attack on his girlfriend which occurred last month. According to the victim, Pastore punched her in the back of the head, pulled her hair, and forced her head down so that she struck her eye on the gear shift in their car. He also grabbed her forcefully by the arm and pulled her out of the car, forcing her to hit her head on the door frame. Pastore says that the victim fell out of the car backward into the street and hurt her lower back. He then drove away from the scene.

Pastore was offered a plea deal today in which he would be sentenced to five days of community service, required to attend a batterers' program, and would have to sign a final order of protection. Will Pastore accept the plea? More than likely, his attorney hints that he will react to the plea offer with a big, fat "Fuhgeddah 'bout it..."

You would have thought he would have learned a lesson from the fate of "Big Pussy"...you wrong someone you love, you may just end up sleeping with the fishes...or right next to a large, hairy guy named Bubba...Capisce?

Why I Love This Man...

I love him because he's cute as heck...and oh so talented...Did I mention funny? Wait, did I already say that he was cute?

It was just announced that he was going to be hosting the 2005 MTV Movie Awards. When asked about how he felt regarding the honor, he responded, "I'm kinda bummed because I thought I had a shot at being named Pope...but this is cool, too."

Also, we almost have the same glasses...Hoorah!

I Hate American Idol...

but I'm happy to hear that Scott is leaving...Happy Birthday Anthony!

The Reviews are in.....

Read 'em here...