Fascinating Friday

Do you know how frustrating it is to know lots of stuff that you really don't need to know? I am a sucker for useless trivia. My friends and I have even taken our enthusiasm to new heights by competing in trivia tournaments on a regular basis. Let me tell you, my friends, my life really doesn't get any more exciting than this. The point of my disclosure?

As I was driving to work this morning, I was listening to a radio talk show on an FM station...coincidentally, but not at all relevant to my tale, the letters FM were also in the call letters. See people, I notice shit like this...all the time. It's sad. Anyway, I was listening to the show and they were playing a game called "Impossible Question," a regular feature during the weekday morning drive. I live for these events. The "Impossible Question" is my enemy, not only because it made me very late for work, but also because it had power over me. It dared me to conquer it. I hadn't even heard the question, but I felt as if it were necessary that I take a guess, as if I had been offered a personal challenge and the world's fate depended on my answer. Of course I couldn't get through. There were others like me, frantically trying to dial the phone and then being faced with the tourturous busy signal, or "monkeys chatting" as I've always called it for some unknown reason. (I also kiss my palm and hit the ceiling of the car while driving through yellow lights for good luck, but that's another lame blog entry I'll save for later.) To the average listener, trying to answer the "Impossible Question" was something fun to do, for me, it was a mission offered to me by "John and Michele in the Morning" that I chose to accept.

At some point while I was trying to figure out how to use the re-dial button on my cell phone, the "Impossible Question" was read. "In Hong Kong, over 80,000 of these are eaten every year." What in the hell? My mind started reviewing all of the facts that I knew about Hong Kong. Lots of repeat answers were given by listeners...tons of rice, cockroaches, dogs, cats, rats, egg rolls... When I realized how late I was running, I drove to work, ran straight to my office while dialing and telling others "Good Morning" at the same time. I got a ring twice, but each time, the phone rang for so long that it eventually stopped and gave me a message stating, "No Reply." Cell phones aren't convienent in situations like these. They can save your life but not always your self-dignity. I was left to wonder if I have a chance to be the one who could provide the winning answer, the answer that I would pull out of my ass when a DJ asked for it. The prizes for winning were 2 coupons to Bob Evans to try their new stuffed French toast. I wasn't a big Bob Evans fan, nor was I a big fan of French toast, but that wasn't the point. If I got the answer correct, I felt as if my inner "gators" would be fed and I really would have accomplished something that day. To myself and only myself, I would be the Trivia Master...a hero, a genius, and certainly worthy of the Masters Degree that I worked so hard for... "In Hong Kong, they eat 80,000 of these every year."

I never ended up actually making it on the show, but I did stick it out the half-hour that it took to find the correct answer from a man, whom I automatically despised. It was a conspiracy. I saw the movie 'Quiz Show", I know how those plots work...

Think you know the answer? Leave a comment and give it your best shot...I can't offer you a tasty breakfast delight from Bob Evans, but I will give you my admiration because now I know the answer and I've been in your position.

And why is knowing the answer so important? I'm sure it will come in handy someday when I least expect it whether it will be the answer to the winning question in a trivia competition or will get me the winning slice of "pie" in a marathon Trivial Pursuit game. Until then, I will wait patiently for another "Impossible Question." When I am fast and clever enough to call in with the correct answer, and I will, I'll hold my head high and make it known to the French Toast providers that I am the Trivia Master...