2004 Sucked...and Here's the Proof !

Well, 2005 is under way and so far it has been uneventful around here. I am proud, however, that I was able to obtain several kisses at the stroke of midnight. Yay for me!

Speaking of sucking face, I thought that I'd re-cap some of the things that did indeed "suck" in 2004 and add to Robert Berry's list. Do you have anything else to add?

• The Collaboration of Anne Geddes and Celine Dion - The world finally has the opportunity to enjoy creepy baby pictures and crappy music at the same time. Let's hope that Yanni and Thomas Kincade don't get any ideas from this!
• Van Helsing - Did a 6th grade boy write this script? (sorry Lance.)
• Your Mom - Just Kidding...
• Flu Shots - Only in the US can we have a surplus of Viagra and not enough Flu Immunizations...Boners win again in the medical world!
• Donald Trump and His Hair
• Eminem - Can he write a song that doesn't sound like it was written by the best friend of the 7th grade Van Helsing script writer?
• "Friends" Series Finale Hype - I was led to believe that Joey was going to finally pass his GED in this episode...tres disappointing!
• Ron Artest - He should never go into coaching football if a little bit of liquid on the cranium makes him go that ballistic.
• Holiday Spice Pepsi - Gag...let's hope that they learned a lesson and are putting a quick stop of the Gelfilte Fish flavored Passover Pepsi...
• Yassir Arafat - I am also going to have a month long death watch. "Is she dead yet?"
• Kirstie Alley - She is supposedly the most freakish person on the planet because she weighs just as much as Tom Arnold. Let's hope that Anna Nicole doesn't come down off of her drug high..I can hear it now, "Trim Spa, Kirstie!"
• Trim Spa - I actually read in the small print that it's laced with crack and a side effect of taking the drug is "skeleton resemblence"...
• The NHL Lockout - Could this mean that the end of the "Mighty Ducks" film saga could be near?
• Jerry Springer - Trying to emmulate Oprah, he gave everyone in his audience permission to sleep with their cross-dressing, toothless, AquaNet lovin' siblings.
• Howard Dean's Scream - At least the media is playing this clip more than Bush's speeches. Dean is definitely more amusing.
• Boob Appearances in Public - I'd look down my shirt if I were really interested. I'm waiting for the public penis appearances, but of course there could never be a "wardrobe malfunction" while Donny Osmond is wearing a pair of pleather pants.
• Jimmy Buffet - When did he go country? I'm waiting for the remake of "Fins" with Alan Jackson, Kenny Chesney, and Toby Keith.
• Tupac New Releases - Where in the hell is all of the new material coming from? Could there be a new Tupac (who really spells his name "Two-Paac) that I don't know about? Maybe, gasp, he's not really gone...hmmm...
• Small Dogs in Purses - What's next? Huskies in Suitcases? Where is PETA when you want them to be around?
• I, Robot - Should have been called, "I, SUCK." (That was a little David Spade "Hollywood Minute" of me, wasn't it?) I suppose that it could also have been called, "Oh Hell Naw" since that was the only thing Will Smith seemed to recite in the film.
• Courtney Love - Can she really be this pathetic? Letting someone suckle on her nipple on camera? Leaving lipstick all over her teeth? Flashing Letterman no less than 6 times in one interview? "Smells Like Crack Cocaine"
• Ashlee Simpson - Daddy Simpson, here's some news...SHE CAN'T SING! Although she can do one hell of a "I'm screwed now so I'll just make myself look like an even bigger idiot" jig as demonstrated on SNL...
• Starr Jones' Wedding - Let's see...product placement at the reception? Classy. 100 bridesmaids? Classy. Marrying a guy who admits to being gay? Classic!
• Blockbuster Video - The good news? No more late fees. The bad news? The store is stocked with 5,000 copies of "A Troll in Central Park."
• The Olsen Twins - You would think that I would be able to finally tell the difference between them since one is only 30 pounds, but no such luck.
• Hummers - Why does a family of two need a vehicle that gets 8 miles to the gallon? I understand why rappers need them...how else are they going to tote their bling?
• Michael Jackson Fans - I can't complaing because I really do like his music, but, really, is he giving away tickets to Neverland for people to show up at his court appearances to support him? He's guilty already people.
• Celebrities Having Babies - It's really not a miracle, women have babies everyday. I'll bet if a celebrity ate a baby it wouldn't get much press at all.
• Paris Hilton - She's not hot...however, if I were a guy I would kind of think her lazy eye would turn me on.
• The Atkins Diet - Let Dr. Atkin's heart diseased death serve as a warning to you. Irony. Dr. Spock's son committed suicide...I'm serious!